Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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