Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
