I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Can I color on your dick again?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
