I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
