I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
