Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
