explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
