Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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