the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
