I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
