i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
