C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
