The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
