Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I need moral support for this bender
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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