smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
