I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
zippers are such a cool invention
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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