Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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