worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
