No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
