My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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