a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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