and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
