My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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