I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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