so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
