So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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