that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
