I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize