Fine. I'll sleep in my office
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
