I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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