around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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