I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
