True but thats because hes a fetus.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
