i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
