I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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