Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize
