I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
