I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
