My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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