Don't you send me to vm
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
