the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
