I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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