4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
