I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
