so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
