when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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