why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
