seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
