i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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