When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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