All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
