batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
