great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
