I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
