so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
