I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
