So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
