In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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